


The One Where Wade Gets the "Girl"

by Red_Phoenix_Fyre



Series: Drawing Friends (A series of stand-alones in the same Universe) [3]
Category: Deadpool (2016), Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Humor, Killing, M/M, Multi, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Wade narrates so you have been warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 09:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12768144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Phoenix_Fyre/pseuds/Red_Phoenix_Fyre
Summary: What happens when Wade decides that the events of Winter Soldier should be his business? One very confused bunch of heroes, that's what!A tale of love and the woes of leading a boring life. Plus Wade finding his soul mate who may or may not have been eluding him for years. He also may have done time as a popsicle, but Wade can't hold that against him.





	1. Where the Beginning Happens

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a mash-up of the Deadpool and MCU cannons. It runs chronologically after Pen Pals but it is not necessary to read that work in order to enjoy this one.
> 
> Wade does make references to his movie, and there are events from Cap 2 in this work.
> 
> This is also a work-in-progress, so there is that.
> 
> Enjoy!

The thing was, after dealing with the grudge match of the decade, getting the girl and saving the world (it was his movie, he could make up the rules) life was... boring.

Yes, he could tweedle-dee-do wherever he wanted. His ugly ass face made going out in public a horror show and let's not forget that there were other mutated people out there...

The point was, Wade Wilson went back to killing people. He could have tried to track down everyone else that'd been in the program with him, but he hadn't been very good at finding Francis. He left it with the under-budgeted, goodie-two-shoes group of rainbows and unicorns.

“Where was I going with this? Oh yes, killing people. Like you,” Deadpool informed the man he had pinned to the wall with his katana through the shoulder. Sadly, this had ruined the man's perfectly tailored suit.

The man whimpered as Deadpool gestured at his head with the gun.

“Why are you telling me this?” he whined.

“Well, if you didn't want to listen, you could have just told me.” Turning towards his captive readers Deadpool told you, “I can take a hint,” as he aimed the handgun between the target's eyes.

“No no no no! I--” the man's voice cut off as Deadpool fired. 

“Really, I already have a girlfriend. And lemme tell you, she's _hawt_ ,” Deadpool finished telling his readers.

Whistling a jaunty tune, Wade pulled his katana free and took in his handiwork. There were at least three dead bodies in this room alone. The white walls painted in splashes of red with a few bullet holes. 

As he stepped over a body (Oh look! There’s a fourth one under that one!) he reached out to pat a beautiful desk that had been crushed in the melee. Poor thing was scrap now. Oh well.

Before he could make his exit, the sounds of crashing from the speakers on the computer that wasn’t destroyed caught his attention.

Stopping with his foot in midair, Deadpool address the room at large. “I gotta admit, I thought you all were watching porn in here.” He spun around and pointed at the computer. “This sounds almost as good as that, just below explosions. You won’t mind if I check, will you?” He waved a hand through the air in negation. “Of course not! We’re all friends here!”

Hurrying over to the computer he greedily watched the high speed chase that was filmed from the dash cam of what appeared to be a police vehicle.

“Where did you guys get this? You can get so much good stuff from these things. There are shows!” he told the room.

Then he saw a familiar face. It was gone before he could confirm it.

Frantically searching for the mouse to pause the video to see proved unhelpful. 

Finding a working mouse became too much like “Where’s Waldo” for his taste. Rolling over a body he found one splattered in blood but still functional.

Rewinding the whole video, Wade stopped on the image of the man the cops had been chasing. Sure enough, it was Nick Fury.

“Naughty Nicky! What’s my favorite pirate doing that put the popo on his tail?” Deadpool turned to his audience. “Sh, don’t tell,” he told you with a finger to his lips. “I’ll investigate myself.”

 

The thing was, he was pretty sure his current contractor was SHIELD. He might have investigated his employers this time around. Turns out breaking into the Triskelion wasn’t a good idea, who knew?

If the good guys of America wanted to hire him to take out their trash, he wasn’t going to argue. This also meant that he spent a lot of time away from his sex kitten but choosers couldn’t be beggars.

Or however that went.

It didn’t take him much time to trapeze over to where the head goon had been chased by the pigs. Strangely, there wasn’t a warrant out on one eyed bauldy, but he was determined to see if his contracts were about to dry up.

By the time he got there, Nick Fury was dead.

“I’d mourn for the bastard but everyone in this universe has a nasty habit of not staying dead,” Wade remarked casually as he headed down the hospital hallway. 

He started humming “My Heart Will Go On” as he followed Black Widow.

She exited out a side door, which shut behind her before he could make it through as well.

By the time he came out she was nowhere in sight. 

“Dang it, I was looking forward to finally meeting her,” he told the air. “I love your work!” he shouted, then headed away with a pout.

 

Wade was relaxing on a hotel room bed with his take-out container of chimichangas while talking to his honey boo.

“I’m just saying, she could have at least waved as she sped away into the sunset, baby. It was like she didn’t want to be seen with me. We’re colleagues! We’re practically best buds!” Wade whined into the phone.

“It sounds like you have a crush on her. Should I be jealous?” Vanessa questioned.

Waving a hand filled with delicious chimichanga through the air, he replied, “Of course not, her thighs of death cannot compare to what you can do with a pole.” He made a sound of pleasure as Vanessa laughed.

“Don’t you forget it or you may never get another demonstration,” she teased him.

Humming, Wade was about to reply when the news he was watching changed to something actually interesting.

“First cyclops engaging in chases with the fuzz and now the spangly assed American idol is destroying company property? SHIELD is really going down the drain,” Wade remarked as he turned up the volume on the tv.

“What was that my avocado?” Vanessa questioned.

“I’m going to have to call you back boo boo. Daddy has to help clean house at the shop,” he informed her as he edged closer to the tv.

“Don’t forget to bring your favorite girl home presents,” answered Vanessa.

“Of course,” he replied, then hung up. “Time to suit up Avengers! Wait, wrong universe. I forgot.”


	2. The One Where Wade Gets a Clue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade makes a startling discovery which then makes him panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case it wasn't immediately apparent, the end shipping goal will be Wade/Bucky/Vanessa. I just got tired of looking through tags until I could find that and typing it out was a drag. I may do it... eventually.

You would think tracking down a guy that wears spandex with stars and stripes while working would be easier than it ended up being. When checking twitter feeds for tags relating to the Man With a Plan only yielded old pictures Deadpool decided to take it a step further.

He wasn’t proud of it but he broke into the Triskelion for one of their transmitters.

Wait, yes, he was proud of that. 

He _wasn’t_ proud of getting caught.

“Well well well, look what the cat dragged in,” Alexander Pierce said from the doorway of the storage room, through which a bunch of unimportant men with guns came pouring in.

Deadpool had already managed to snag a transmitter, so he was able to spin around and raise his hands in ‘fear.’ 

“Is this the part where I plead for my life? I feel like we’re playing out a cliche here,” he addressed to the guy on his left. He scratched his head. “Oh!” He held up a finger as if just getting an idea. “I know this one!” Smacking his hands together, he clasped them in front of his face in a praying position as he dropped to his knees. “Don’t shoot! I’m innocent. It wasn’t me! It was that guy!” he pled, gesturing to the person on his right, who promptly shot him in the shoulder.

He sighed. “You only get one freebee with me buddy,” he addressed the man who shot him. “And only ‘cause your boss pays me well.”

The current head honcho waved his hand at his men to put the guns down as he addressed Deadpool. “If you don’t want to look like swiss cheese you shouldn’t be breaking into my facility. We discussed this Wade. I can’t have my security compromised.”

Rolling his eyes exaggeratedly enough that everyone should get it even with his mask on, Deadpool put his hands on his hips. “Well, excuse me for wanting information when things are going to shit. Level with me Wrinkles, am I still getting jobs after all this?”

Peirce took a threatening step forward as he answered, “You won’t be if you stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“Fine, I get it. You’re being ‘secretive,’” Deadpool said the last part with air quotes around secretive. “I know when I’m unwanted.”

Sniffing in an attempt to appear hurt, Deadpool pulled himself to his feet and dragged himself to the door. The attack dogs eyed his retreat warily.

Stopping as if having just thought of something, Deadpool said over his shoulder. “You know, the last person to take on the guy who wears his country’s flag like he’s protecting his virtue wound up dead right?”

Instantly, guns were pointed at him once more.

Grinning under the mask, Deadpool continued in a faux casual voice, “Just a thought.”

Sketching a sloppy salute, he wandered back out of the building via a five storey window.

Front doors were for squares anyway. 

Popping his dislocated knee back into place and hopping on his unbroken leg, he headed to his motorcycle.

Now he just had to listen in and he could find out what the heck Flag-Man was doing.

 

The first time he followed to where American Dreamboat is supposed to he ended up being kicked out by mall security for wearing a mask. There was no spotting of tall-blonde and muscle-bound before that occurrence.

Determined, the next time he barreled in before STRIKE team got there and wound up in the middle of an explosion.

Fighting his way out of rubble is oddly nostalgic but ultimately fruitless.

For the third time he “borrowed” a car and drove along behind STRIKE team. They weren’t going to blow up their own men right? Maybe?

Well, it was less likely anyway.

Following them onto an overpass, Deadpool spotted more men in black before seeing Blondie, but that was expected.

Metal Arm Guy attacking was a bit of a surprise, but he had heard rumours of the Winter Soldier.

What was more surprising was the itching he started to get along his knuckles as he debated getting involved. Both sides seemed equally likely to win and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to pop out of the car like an Angel of Vengeance to help save Goldie Locks and crew.

There was an equal chance that both sides would shoot at him if he did.

Finally the itch got distracting enough that he pulled his right glove off to inspect his hand.

Seeing blood on his skin had him freezing.

Technically, anything that dried onto skin would show up on your soul mate’s. Most were polite enough to use ink to communicate. 

Wade Wilson, being a very unlucky bastard, had only ever had communication from his soul mates in the form of blood dried onto his skin. Any time he tried to write to them was ignored. When he stopped attempting to even draw to them he saw blood more often. 

After a while, the only things that ever marked his body in reply were his own blood stains.

It made it difficult to connect with a soul mate.

The last time he’d seen blood not his own on his body had been before his face became a greek tragedy.

Shaking himself out of contemplation, Wade pulled his glove back on and flexed his fingers. His current soul mate must be a brawler. Shrugging, Deadpool stepped out of his car to saunter towards where all the action was happening.

Jumping down off the bridge after Captain America flew off it due to an explosion, Wade continued to get closer.

Spider Lady shot at Shiney Arm Man and managed to get him to duck down.

There was a brief pause in activity, then the guy popped back up like a jack-in-the-box with a nick along his brow that bled downwards.

As Deadpool took a breath to announce his presence he felt the telltale itch of drying blood in the same area.

For a moment, Wade went completely still.

Then he started panicking.

Turning his back to the car explosions, Wade dug in his pouch for his phone. Whipping it out, Wade ducked behind one of the pillars for the bridge and hit speed dial.

“Hello?” a feminine voice asked.

“Vanessa! I’m having the most wild day ever.”

“Are you calling me in the middle of a fight again Wade? You know I don’t like it when you get more injured than necessary,” scolded Vanessa.

“This is infinitely more important than me acquiring new holes, Sexy Rabbit!” Wade answered.

Someone shot him in the leg.

“Hey! I am not in the mood for freebees!” yelled Wade as he pulled out his gun and shot the man in the head.

Moaning as he realized that was probably a SHEILD agent, Wade informed Vanessa, “I am so fired.”

“Can you be fired if you’re on contract?” she questioned.

“They can cancel my contracts. That is not the point!” Wade shouted as he sliced his hand through the air.

Someone else took issue with his yelling and fired at him, so he shot back. It probably hit something vital but he wasn’t paying attention.

“Can you at least go where I can hear you better craggy face?” she replied testily.

Pausing for a moment, Wade started wandering away from the explosions. “Did I interrupt something sweet pea? That nickname was kind of lame.” He shot some dick that tried to stop him from leaving by waving a gun towards him.

“And sweet pea is better?” she answered drily.

“Touche, but you’re more blood-thirsty than me,” he replied.

“I’m grocery shopping, you know how much I like doing that.”

“I’m sorry sugarbooger,” Wade answered.

“An apology and a cartoon reference? The world must be ending,” Vanessa muttered unsympathetically.

“I’m having an existential crisis!” exclaimed Wade.

“Is this like the time someone said you moved like a spider and you went on a rant about Spider Man not existing here yet?” Vanessa asked.

“Timelines baby! You know they get confusing for me. But that still is not the point,” Wade tried to explain. 

He spun around and shot the man creeping up on him. 

“You are not sneaky! Stop trying,” he scolded.

“Wade! Wade,” Vanessa called.

“Yes. Yes?” he answered.

“What is the point then?” she sounded far too exasperated to be any form of comforting.

“Imayhavefoundmysoulmate,” Wade rushed out.

There was a slight pause before Vanessa informed him, “The words coming from your mouth are not a hashtag. Try saying it like separate words if you want me to understand.”

“I think I found my soul mate,” he said extra slowly just to be a dick.

“You’re a dick,” Vanessa told him, causing his heart to swell with love. “Hey! Watch where you’re driving your cart lady,” she hissed, which just made the love expand. 

His lady was feisty.

“Where were we? Oh yes, soul mates. So the blood person finally showed? Did you write them an address this time?” she asked casually.

There was a bit of jealousy in there which made him all tingly, better defuse or she’d try scratching Mr Soul Mate’s eyes out when she met him.

“My sly vixen, you know I am entirely devoted to your love nest for the rest of your life. We talked about adding a sexy boy toy and that is all I will ever consider,” he informed her.

The cart rattled on her end as an explosion sounded somewhere behind him.

“He’s hot then?” she asked.

Shuddering, Wade had to adjust the suit as it got a little too tight in places. “Hotter than hell baby, hotter than hell. He knows how to use a rocket launcher.”

“I like our apartment in one piece,” she reminded him.

“He could probably put holes in the walls without even trying,” Wade answered dreamily.

“Not selling it,” Vanessa informed him.

“I’ll be sure to tell him,” he replied in a put-upon tone of voice.

“Don’t forget that some soul mates are platonic. I know you think he’s hot but he might not want you for your body,” Vanessa cautioned.

“He could even be asexual,” Wade agreed. “Romantic love without our wonderful sex life happens.”

“We can’t all fuck like bunnies,” added Vanessa.

They had discussed his estranged soul mate problem before. The both of them fell into silence for a moment.

“So, what was he doing when you panic dialed me? Are you sure leaving him alone with explosions was the best decision?” questioned Vanessa.

Wade’s eyes widened dramatically as he spun back towards the area that was no longer filled with explosions. The wail of sirens reached his ears.

“Shit. I’ll call you back!” he hung up on her goodbye as he raced towards where the noise level was already dropping.

By the time he got there the action was already finished with no signs of American Icons or Shady Assassins.

“Son of a mother fucking bitch,” Deadpool swore and promptly had to run away from the unimportant men with guns.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! I love hearing from my readers.


End file.
